Time to go??!

Here it is, y'all. The post I have been putting off writing for as long as possible...I officially have exactly a week left in Barranquilla. I can't even begin to describe how I am feeling. Am I excited to go home? Of course I am! I've gone a whole year without seeing my family. I can't wait to see my parents and my siblings, to hug my Papa around his neck and give my Granny a kiss, to meet my beautiful niece who is growing every day...but as my final week begins, I also feel heartbroken. I'm not ready to let go of my YAV year yet, I'm not ready for it to end. The goodbyes have already begun, and I'm digging deep for the strength to get through the rest of them this week. How in the hell do you say goodbye to people you love so dearly? To people who have taken you under their wings, who have taken a chance on the crazy rubia with a Spanish accent, who have watched you grow and change in so many small ways over the year, who have opened their homes and families to you without a second thought, who have leaped headfirst with you into new and challenging friendships where cultures are crossed and something is learned every day? I've been loved so fiercely and deeply here by people who have taken up such a large part of my heart...my dear friends, my beautiful host family, my church family (shout out to La Primera!), my coworkers...I can't leave Barranquilla and my YAV year without leaving half of my heart in Colombia too. This is what hurts me so acutely. Am I going to live the rest of my life with my heart in two different countries? Is that even sustainable? I keep going back to that old, somewhat cliched quote: "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." I thank God every night that I have that something. And when I look back on my year as a whole...I'm so proud of the relationships that have come out of this year. I opened up completely. I can look back on this year and know I made some mistakes along the way (who wouldn't?), but that, ultimately, I gave my all. I was vulnerable, in a way that you can only be when you find yourself immersed in a different language, culture, and country than your own..and it was from that place of vulnerability that such strong friendships were formed. To fear change is human, and the change that I fear now is that I will be forgotten. Time will pass, I will no longer be in Barranquilla, there will be new YAVs in Colombia, each having their own transformative, amazing years, and meeting many of the same friends I have mentioned ad naseum. Today, my coworker and dear friend told me exactly what I needed to hear, without even knowing that it was what my heart needed. He hugged me, looked me in the eyes, and said, "We won't forget you. You will remember us, and we will remember you." Lately, I have been drawing comfort from John 15:16-17: "You did not chose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." In the end, all that matters is love, and love is the only thing that remains. The love I have for all of the people I have met during this year is lasting, too. My love will remain even when I am no longer in Colombia. As my coworker so aptly reminded me today, so will the love my new friends and family have shown me remain in my heart. This is the blessing of living together in fellowship. This is intentional, international, Christian community. Praise be to God.